While “Dead Vagina Syndrome” sounds a bit like a new Netflix show it’s a hotly debated topic related to women’s sexual health and well-being. The alleged “syndrome” it seems, has been spreading like wildfire among women who have become juuuust a bit too enamored of their plastic fantastic lovers. The theory goes like this: since Mr. “Shakey” is never too tired to perform and never stops until you’ve gotten yours (unlike most males that you’ll find lurking in the shadowy recesses of the health club or bar), women who have enjoyed prolonged affairs with their vibrators have become essentially dead to any other type of input. But is it true?
Just Another Urban Myth?
Let’s take as close a look as mainstream media will allow at the vexing issue of the dead vagina and see if we can’t offer some useful insight.
- The alleged cause: Overuse of your vibrator – The theory is that if you become too dependent on your vibrator to deliver you to nirvana, you’ll lose the ability to respond to one on one contact with an actual sex partner. The implications are complex because if it’s true, then it could be a physical phenomenon or a psychological one, a sociological one or some combination of the 3.
- Is there any reason to think Dead Vagina Syndrome is Real? – The only legitimate answer is “We don’t know. Yet.” You might – repeat might – be able to make a case that calling on Mr. Shakey to get you off perhaps several times a day could somehow deaden the nerves in and around the clitoris which may – repeat may – result in a loss of sensation and an inability to respond to ‘normal’ levels of stimulation. Of it could just be that your partner is an uncaring lout whose only goal is their own satisfaction.
- So should I toss the vibrator or the partner? – At this point, it’s probably smart to keep both, although you might want to reassess the partner if you feel they’re just not that into anything but themselves. The fact is that while it’s theoretically possible that too many visits from Mr. Dependable could desensitize your vagina to some degree, there’s no actual scientific proof that it does. No matter how many sexually unsatisfied Hollywood celebrities Olivia Wilde tell you otherwise.
- Don’t punish your vibrator – If you’re not responding like Meg Ryan in a New York deli every time your lover showers some attention on your vagigi you shouldn’t be too quick to blame your vibrator. A more reasoned response would be patience. After all expecting a human to be able to perform on the same level as a vibrator is like expecting a human brain to outperform a calculator or for a human to be able to lift more than a crane. Machines have their place, but we need to have separate levels of expectation for machines and humans.
- It’s not the speed; it’s the quality – While Mr. Shakalicious might be able to deliver you to the promised land of pleasure in a minute or two he isn’t much good when it comes to snuggling or soft wet kisses or leaving your hands free to do all sorts of dirty things. It’s the difference between drag racing and a slow, relaxed drive along a winding, sunlit country road. Sure drag racing is a rush, but there’s pleasure aplenty to be had around every bend in that winding road.
The Final Frontier: Boosting the Libido
So now that we have a (hopefully) more well-rounded appreciation of the issue as well as a greater appreciation of the joys to be had on the winding road of sensual love let’s look at 4 ways to boost your libido so that we can put this Dead Vagina Syndrome business to rest once and for all.
- Chill with a glass of wine – While wine itself is not a sexual stimulant what it can do is allow you to relax into the mood and let your guard down enough to invest in what’s going on. Many times the biggest thing standing between two people and mutual orgasm is a sense of self-consciousness, and a nice glass of wine can help relieve you of that burden. Just make sure you don’t overdo it because you could pass right through the realm of the sensual straight into the realm of the forgettable.
- Breathe – Being with someone new can be a stressful experience. There are so many things to think about: Will he be put off by my arm vagina? Does he know what he’s doing with that thing? Do I smell okay? Does he always smell like he just came from a construction site? Will he think my ass is too big? Is that a superfluous third nipple on his chest? And the list goes on and on. Just take a nice deep breath and let it out slow. Relax.
- Exercise – It’s a fact that you’ll be more sexually responsive if you’re in good shape then if you let yourself go. While we know that it can be hard to find the time to exercise in a world where the business cycle never sleeps, it’s essential to both your physical and emotional well-being that you do what is necessary to keep your body in prime working order. If you do, you’ll find you’ll be better at your job and you’ll be more engaged when it comes time to play bedroom Twister.
- Resist the dessert tray – Too much sugar can disrupt your normal hormonal balance which in turn can make it difficult to get the most out of your sexual encounters. So turn away from the dessert tray and prime the pump of your libido.
Dead Vagina Syndrome is nothing to be alarmed about. If your level of response to human stimulation is not what you think it ought to be, it’s far more likely a result of skewed expectations than a dead vagina. Just relax and realize people aren’t machines and that can be a very good thing indeed.