In some ways, the vagina seems like the dark side of the moon: always there, yet always inscrutable and mysterious. Except that, where much of the mystery regarding the dark side of the moon derives from the fact that it’s always turned away from us, many of our misconceptions and misunderstandings regarding female genitalia derive from lies we’ve been told either by a paternalistic social order, religious order or the mainstream media. As a result, a lot of women are walking around with a lot of lies about the vagina bouncing around in their grey matter. Well, it’s time to expose 10 of those vaginal lies so you can go about the business of celebrating your vagigi instead of eyeing it suspiciously.
Lie #1: It’s only there to squeeze out offspring – This notion has been drilled into women’s heads since the beginning of time and is no more true now than it was a million years ago. Anyone with a vagina who enjoys sex and doesn’t have any inclination to reproduce will tell you just how untrue this is. In fact, there are lots of ways you can use your vag to brighten your day that don’t include cells splitting.
Lie #2: You need (and want) to hide the smell of your vagina – We think not. Most every vagina has its own smell and the vast majority of those are delightfully erotic. Enjoying the natural musk of a vagina is easy if the smeller can pull their head out of their own ass long enough to appreciate it. Foul odors, on the other hand, are natural red flags meant to alert you to potential problems and should not be masked over.
Lie #3: It’s a source of weakness – Florence Griffith-Joyner or FloJo ran the 100 meters in 10.49 seconds. Any men reading this able to run that fast? Stefka Kostadinova of Bulgaria can jump over a bar 6 feet, 10¼ inches in the air. And you? The point is that anyone who thinks a certain type of genitalia makes you weak simply isn’t paying attention. For more proof just ask anyone who’s been close to grizzly bear cubs and lived to talk about it.
Lie #4: It bleeds the first time you have sex; a lot – Maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t. Some women, in fact, will tell you that the first time they had sex, they were expecting something out of The Shining. As it turned out, however, there was nary a drop of the red stuff. Others will bleed a bit the first time and a few will see a fair amount of blood. There is no hard and fast rule. And that includes hard and fast rules regarding whether it hurts the first time you have sex. For some it does and others it doesn’t. Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
Lie #5: It makes your work less valuable – Guys have been banking on women believing this vaginal lie for centuries but awareness of the truth is finally winning out. But even if you still work somewhere that pays your male counterparts more than it does you for the same work that doesn’t mean they’re right to do so. It just means that the people controlling payroll are dicks who need to be called out for their discriminatory bs.
Lie #6: It must be resemble the gardens of Versailles at all times – Rubbish. If you want to grow your pubes out and form them into handlebars, that’s up to you. On the other hand, if you want to keep yourself smoother than a seal that’s up to you too. If you’ve bought into the notion that your bush requires constant landscaping so as not to offend potential visitors it’s time to wake up and smell the vagina.
Lie #7: A healthy vagina is self-lubricating – Here’s the truth: some healthy vaginas are completely self-lubricating. In fact, they produce torrents of lubrication. Here’s another truth: some perfectly healthy vaginas need a helping hand in the moisture department. That’s just the way it is. Just as millions of perfectly healthy individuals need glasses, there are plenty of perfectly healthy women who benefit from keeping a tube of KY handy.
Lie #8: Vaginas make women crazy – In the not too distant past women with various emotional issues – or sometimes women who were simply opinionated or held contrary views to their husbands – were being diagnosed as “hysterical.” A bs medical condition used to justify all manner of mistreatment. Vaginas were believed to be the source of their “hysteria” and so many had their uterus removed as a “cure.” The practice has been stopped but echoes of the lie remain deeply ingrained in the culture.
Lie #9: Without it, female orgasms would be impossible – Uh, no, Duh. While there’s no doubt plenty of women get their freak on through vaginal orgasms there are many millions more who have intense, deeply satisfying orgasms that have nothing to do with their virginia. The source of their delight? The clitoris. The clit pokes its head above water just north of the vagina and is teeming with nerve endings that make it the perfect target for the affections of a skilled hand or tongue or assistive device. In fact, more women admit to achieving orgasm by way of their clitoris than by way of their vagina. Imagine that.
Lie #10: There’s a right way and a wrong way for a vagina to look – This particular lie has lead countless women to seek out various types of plastic surgery to try and “fix” their vaginas so that they look right. We’re told fat pussy lips are unacceptable, that thin pussy lips are undesirable and that darker skin around the vulva indicates something is wrong. Enough already! There is no such thing as the right way for a healthy vagina to look. Each one is tailored to its owner and each one is fine just the way it is.